Wednesday Whimsy #30

The Muse Writes to Santa

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Text-only Version:

Official Letter from The Muse

10 December 2025

Dear Santa,

I won’t pretend I believe in you. But I do respect a man who keeps lists, travels by night, and knows exactly who is lying to themselves. We have that in common.

I’m writing on behalf of my writers—the exhausted, the overcaffeinated, the ones who stare at blinking cursors like they’ve been personally betrayed.

You’ve met them. They’re the ones who ask for discipline and then ghost it by February.

They keep asking me for accessories:

• A better pen.

• A quieter house.

• A desk with gravitas.

• A lamp that whispers, “Now is the moment.”

Honestly, Santa, they’ve learned nothing. These are the gifts they think they want:

• Time (as if it can be unwrapped).

• Confidence (as if it arrives intact).

• Inspiration (this one actually offends me).

What they need—what they always need—is me.

I am not something you deliver. I don’t fit down chimneys. I don’t respond to bargaining.

And I will not arrive merely because someone lit a candle and bought a notebook they’re afraid to sully.

Still, since you insist on participating, I’ll make this easier for you.

Bring them:

• Erasers that do not apologize.

• A chair that understands loitering.

• Sentences that say ‘no’ as fluently as ‘yes.’

• A dram of my new brew: Signal and Solstice

If you happen to have any left in the sack, one of these may also do:

• A doubt that sharpens instead of paralyzes.

• A failure that teaches quietly.

• A small, feral joy that refuses to be monetized.

As for me—don’t bother. I’ve already arrived. I always do. Uninvited. Under-dressed. Demanding attention at the worst possible hour.

Tell the reindeer I said hello. Tell Rudolph I admire his glow—though I wonder how long it took before they stopped calling it a flaw.

Warm regards (I take no responsibility for weather),

The Muse

P.S. If you’re tempted to give them discipline for Christmas, resist. Discipline is learned. Obsession, however, can be arranged.